Que Mafi-esque...draft?Jim stood under the shredded awning in front of the hotel. The rain poured down on his head, big fat drops that hurt as they pelted his shoulders. He pulled his coat tighter around him and shivered, trying to ignore the warm light inside. It seemed to be cruelly taunting him. But he had promised that he would meet Ty outside, and he never broke a promise.He looked up as a cab approached. It pulled up to the curb and the door opened, letting a young man into the street. He shuffled over to stand next to Jim. "You're late, Ty." "Traffic. This sucks," he growled. "Shut up," Jim snapped. "I've been standing out here for a fucking hour. Don't whine." He turned. "Come on." Ty stayed where he was. "I said, come on."
Crooked Smile, Thick AccentWas it my crooked smile, or your thick accent that gave it away? It might have been something else entirely. Your hands, my hair. It doesn't really matter now, what suddenly hit us like a gold brick inscribed with a song. "And maybe, we were made, we were made for each other. Is it possible, for the world to look this way forever?" Maybe it was because the accent was fake, a joke to make me laugh. Or that the smile was to seem coy and flirtatious, only to impress you. While inside, I had been screaming to run far away where I couldn't screw this one up. Maybe you saw that in the smile. And maybe I heard it in the accent, who knows. it was too long ago. Though "long" itself translates into something else entirely when every day starts out with the dread that this day will be the last. That you'll have realized that it was for nothing, and you don't really like my smile all that much anyway.
Next TimeThe music drifts out of the stereo, soft and sinuous and slow, like smoke. It wraps around this world that we've created, here and now for this small moment where we're separate from everything. Separate from the pub down the street, from the next-door neighbors, from the coffee we drank this morning. The music shelters us from it all, and for a few moments I forget my life. For a few moments, there are only us. There is nothing else. And there is him. He seems so quiet, asleep like this. Quiet compared to the shouting, panting whirlwind he was only minutes ago, caught up in the confusion of sex, sweat dripping from every inch of his body. The same sweat is now drying on his forehead, very real evidence that my docile little puppy can be so much more. I suddenly feel an urge to surround myself with him, so I curl closer, pressing my forehead against his warm chest. I close my eyes and breathe deeply, filling myself with the heavy scent of him, mingled with the so
Burning the Midnight OilIt's still quite early, and I've run out of ideas. The screen of the laptop glows sadistically in my face, the few lines of type mocking me and my inability to find inspiration. They call it burning the midnight oil, staying up late to work that is. Though it's somewhere around midnight, I can't really say that it's exactly oil that I'm burning. So I think the more appropriate phrase here would be burning the midnight lavender scented candle. I lay back and cross my arms behind my head, watching the shadows on the walls. They dance across the room, flirting and playing with the dim light from the flame. The smoke curls up and dissolves, releasing its quiet scent to fill the room. I close my eyes and breathe deeply, letting the smell of smoke and fire and lavender fill my lungs. It suffocates the part of my brain that's screaming about the deadline I have to make this week and the shopping that has to be done. About all those meaning
SmokeThe first thing I notice is the silence. It settles like snow once the rustlings stop, and the breathing levels. Then comes the burn of alcohol in my throat and stomach, and that deep, unsettling empty that always appears after the sex is over. I turn and feel around on the floor for my forgotten pants. I always try not to throw them too far, so they're within arms reach in the morning. I like to get out fast. I find them, and reach into the pocket for a cigarette. My lighter jumps in the darkness for a second, and then it's gone, the comforting warmth reduced to a glowing point of nicotine and tar. I lie back and fold my arms behind my head, the cigarette dangling from my lips. The smoke lazily floats into the empty void above my head, fading out to black. I tend to feel like the smoke. Like I'm dissolving, floating helplessly away to be swallowed by a black nothing.
AutumnCaustic colors comeKill the clean, green, live summerDead white eats it all
BuddyYour brother's brains and loveSprayed on a hotel floorLike your cigarettes after you dropped themOn the floor of your green cabinWhere you sat waitingFor second or third hand news of deathYou inserted yourself into this world of your creationThen removed yourselfToo scared to dieYou claim to be workingBut your art liesAnd I know the truth behind youYou gave me F. and Z. as a parting giftBut they were too young, too cold, too lateSo I took your parenthesis out of the vaseAnd let them die.
Walk ByThey walk right byThey never seeLyingCryingFuckingDyingLovingLeavingLivingDreamingBehind closed doorsIn the middle of the streetIn the phantom shadowsOf oblivious eyes No crashNo flashBut the moments strikeLike silent lightningCreatingGeneratingIncineratingStrobe light livesIn the little black boxesSo bright they blind themselvesAnd can't see out the windowsNo lights but their ownSo many livesSo little time
Speak part 2Feeling freehappy for the first timein a long timeI didn't know it would be like thisI didn't know I would laughI didn't know abouthow the stars were so bright herehow easy it would beto slap my heart on my sleeveand leave it thereHow we would drift so closeby chanceI didn't know chancecould be so kind